TOM and his wife MAUREEN are both having inexpert affairs, Tom with JENNY and TINA who he meets on the internet, and Maureen with a garage mechanic whose name she doesn’t know. Both of them leave incriminating evidence behind.

Jenny, who discovers that her fiancé is not what she hoped for in bed, shares a cottage with a sex-mad ghost. Two members of her investigative group Spooks Anonymous are MARKUS and ALISON, whose mission in life is to have sex in every haunted building in the UK.
  
Tina is frustrated because her husband is always too tired for sex, but what she doesn’t know is that he is always worn out because he supplements his sales by having sex with female customers.

Other characters have interlinked adventures – BAILIN, who tries to track Tom down when they meet on a webcam site, JIM who inadvertently calls up details on escorts when he was trying to sell the company Escort car, and MARRIANE, the escort he eventually meets.  Marriane falls in love with Jim, much to her dismay.

All the main characters end up attending a sports event, and secrets bubble out – causing total chaos. The final chapter uses a film technique: a page or so is devoted to each character explaining what happened to them after the events of the book.  In general the couples all get together in their various ways and live happily enough.  In the very last section “twelve years later” Markus, now a teacher at a local school, is astonished to find no fewer than six Toms in his first-year class.  He guesses that “something must have happened twelve years ago” ... but doesn’t know what it could have been.